


To Love A Soldier

by fvckingavengers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Angst, F/M, Smut, Steve Rogers Angst, bucky barnes smut, steve rogers smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 02:56:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6498049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fvckingavengers/pseuds/fvckingavengers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the movie Pearl Harbor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Love A Soldier

“It’s not too late to back out of this whole thing you know,” You tried one last time as Steve settled into the pod as nurses and doctors made last minute adjustments.

“Y/N,” He smiled softly as he said your name. “There’d be a lot of disappointed people here if I just walked out.” You knew your final attempt would end up like all the others. Failed. Steve was stubborn, but he was determined. One of the things you loved most about him. “But what do you say after this I take my girl out dancing?”

You giggled and shook your head. “Stevie, you don’t dance.”

“You’re right. So get ready to teach me.” Instead of arguing with him, you kissed him softly and went up to the booth with Peggy to watch the procedure.

You were thankful to have Peggy there to help ease your mind. She reassured you that Steve was going to be fine. It did your heart good to know that someone believed in him as much as you did. She took your hand and squeezed it, smiling assuringly as the pod closed.

\--

The memory did little to ease your worried mind. You clutched Steve’s pillow closer to your body and breathed in his fading scent, shutting your eyes tightly to will away the tears that brimmed around your eyes.

“Come home. Come home to me.” You whispered into the fabric as a sob quaked through your body.

This happened every night since he left. And you knew it would happen every night until he returned. You welcomed the dreams of Steve as you drifted off to sleep, but dammed them the moment you woke up. Alone.

\--

“Promise me you want go falling for one of those show girls?” You half joked as you watched Steve pack up for his next trip.

“Doll,” He laughed softly and pulled you into his embrace. “You know you’re the only girl for me. Always have been. Always will be.” He lifted your chin and pressed his lips against yours, stroking your jaw with his thumb as you deepened the kiss.

Your hands slid up his chest and around his neck as your actions became needy. He clung to you, just as you had to him. One of his hands carded through your hair as the other wrapped around your back.

Your fingers began to undo the buttons on his uniform before moving behind your back to unzip your dress. “At least let me give you something to remember me by.” You smiled, grazing your nose against his.

A small part of him wanted to protest, knowing that he’d be late for his train if he gave in to you. But the sight of your dress pooling around your ankles made him cave instantly. He took the time to admire your body, taking mental pictures to memorize each and every one of your beautiful curves to get him through the weeks to come.

Steve lowered himself to his knees and kissed along your hipbones as his hands ran up the back of your legs. “So beautiful,” He whispered as he pulled your panties down. “And all mine.”

“Yours,” You breathed heavily, running your hands through his hair. “Only yours.”

Steve looked up at you and smiled brightly. You swore that you’d never let yourself forget the look in his eyes. The look of such adoration and such love. It shook you to your core and made the butterflies in your stomach come alive just as they did the moment he first kissed you.

Steve stood back up and quickly did away with his clothes before falling onto the mattress and pulling you with him. He pushed your hair behind your ears and cupped your cheeks in his hands as you lowered yourself on to him. Your eyes never strayed away from each other’s when you began to move. His hands guided your hips into a steady rhythm before cupping your breasts and thumbing over your nipples. As Steve watched you succumb to pleasure, he allowed himself to do the same. He throbbed inside of you, signaling that he wasn’t far from his climax, which only sped you into your own. Your end hit you hard, and the only thing you could say was Steve’s name. He soon followed in suit, trembling as he held you close, whispering praises and reminding you of how much he loved you.

\--

As you sorted through your mail walked up the stairs to yours and Steve’s shared apartment, you nearly dropped all the other envelopes upon seeing one with Steve’s scribbled handwriting. You quickly unlocked the door and threw your belongings on the table before tearing into the envelope and opening the letter.

Dear Y/N,

I miss you so much, doll. I think about you everyday and dream about you every night. I can’t wait to be in your arms again, baby girl. Which is why it pains me to have to say this…  
I’m gonna be away a little longer than expected. It’s Bucky. Him and his fleet have gone missing. I gotta find him, Y/N. And the moment I do, we’ll be on the first train home. I love you, sweetheart.

Love, Steve.

All Steve ever wanted to do was to make a difference. You should have known that when he signed up to become Captain America, that you too were signing up for that lifestyle. You understood that he needed to save Bucky. Not only was he Steve’s best friend, but he became yours, too. You clutched the letter to your chest and let a tear roll down your cheek before collecting yourself to make dinner.

A knock at your door woke you up a week after you had received the letter. Rubbing your eyes as you got out of bed, you slipped on your robe and opened the door. Your eyes widened and a smile spread across your face.

“Bucky?” You threw yourself in his arms and hugged him tight. “You’re okay! I knew Steve would find you! Where is he?” Bucky wrapped his arms around you and refused to let go. You felt his body tense and you pulled away to see a solemn expression on his face. “Buck? Where’s Steve?”

He couldn’t meet your eyes. His lip trembled and his hands shook as he pulled out a yellow paper from his pocket.

In that moment, you felt your heart break. Your brows furrowed and you took a step back from him, hoping that if you didn’t accept the paper that the words printed on it wouldn’t be true. You bit into your bottom lip harshly to keep it from quivering as you shook your head.

“No. J-James, no. That’s not for him. It can’t be for him!” Your knees gave out and you fell to the floor with a violent sob. Bucky quickly knelt beside you and took you into his arms. “No! James, bring him back! Bring him back to me!” You screamed through tears, clutching onto his uniform jacket.

Bucky removed his hat and rocked you back and forth, soothing you through his own tears as he relived the memory of his best friend falling off of the train and into the snow hundreds of feet below.

\--

There was a small ceremony to grieve the fallen soldier. You weren’t sure if you could call it a funeral because there wasn’t a body to bury. Whatever it was, you didn’t stay long. Your heart couldn’t take it. Peggy was the only reason you went at all. She showed up at your apartment and helped you get dressed, even put a little makeup on you to hide the bags under your eyes due to the sleepless nights.

An hour later, you wound up at the bar not far from your place. You were nursing your third glass of whiskey and letting the alcohol drown your pain away with each sip you took. There was no one else in the joint other than you and the bartender. That is, until you heard a familiar voice from behind you.

“Hey there, stranger.” Bucky smiled softly as he pulled up a chair and joined you at your table.

You mustered a weak smile and took another swig of your drink. “Hi, Buck.”

He was timid, not sure what to say or what to ask. He was afraid of saying something wrong and upsetting you. So, he ordered himself a drink and sat with you in a comfortable silence, allowing you to decide if you wanted to converse. It seemed like you sat there for hours until you finally found your voice to speak.

“I found a ring.” You confessed. “I was cleaning around the apartment and I found it in one of his jacket pockets.” You looked up at Bucky through your lashes. “Did you know—“

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Who do you think helped him pick it out?” He smiled weakly, twirling the now empty glass between his fingers. He bit into his bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “He was gonna pop the question when he came back.”

You were so numb that you didn’t feel the tears stream down your cheeks until Bucky wiped them away with he pad of his thumb. He could sense the harsh sob that fought to break through your body as you shook, and pulled you to his body, muffling the sound of your cries and petting your hair gently to soothe you.

“C’mon, doll. Why don’t we get outta here? Get you home?”

You shook your head and sniffled. “I can’t go home. Everything reminds me of him. I have nowhere to go, Bucky.”

Bucky shushed you softly and rocked you slowly. Once you calmed, he lifted your chin to make you look at him. “Yes you do. You’re gonna stay with me until you get back on your feet.”

You wanted to protest. To insist that you didn’t want to burden him. But you knew that he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

“That could be a while, Buck.” You warned.

“Well, as long as it takes,” He stroked your cheek sweetly, cradling your face in his hands. “I’ll be here.” He promised. “I swore to Steve a long time ago that if anything would happen to him, I’d take care of you. I intend on keeping that promise, Y/N.”

It tugged on your heartstrings to imagine how that conversation must have gone. You looked up at Bucky and nodded, pressing a light kiss to his cheek before you stood from your chair. “Thank you, James.”

Bucky smiled and extended his arm, placing his hand over yours when you looped your arm around him. “Anything for my best girl.”

The first week of staying at Bucky’s was difficult. You both tiptoed around each other, not wanting to get in each other’s way. You were afraid that your quietness would come off as rude, and he was scared of saying something to chase you off. Hell, the first night you were there the two of you had your first argument. Bucky, being the gentleman that he is, insisted that you sleep in his bed during your stay. You protested, saying that you were more than fine with sleeping on his couch. It was then that you realized where Steve got his stubbornness from.

Each night, you still wound up on the couch. Bucky’s screams from his vivid nightmares jolted you awake each night. You’d run to his side and hold him as he clutched on to you and cried. You’d soothe him, petting his hair and shushing him softly until he calmed. This went on for nearly six months.

One night, your restless mind wouldn’t allow you the sleep you so badly craved. You looked over at the clock and sighed, knowing it wouldn’t be long until Bucky woke up. Pushing the sheets off of your legs, you padded into the living room and sat on the edge of the couch, reaching out to run your fingers through Bucky’s soft hair. He hummed, nuzzling into your touch as his eyes fluttered open.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” You apologized.

Bucky smiled and shook his head, turning over to lie on his back. “It’s alright. I’d rather you wake me up instead of…” You nodded, letting him know you understood without him needing to elaborate. Bucky sat up and pulled you into his side. “Can’t sleep?”

“I’m really starting to miss having someone sleep beside me.” You huffed out a brief laugh. “I miss the warmth. The sense of protection. Your bed is so big, it kind of engulfs me.”

Bucky hummed and nodded. Before you could protest, he picked you up and carried you back to his room, laying you on the bed before scooting in himself. “Oh, how I’ve missed you…” He sighed contently, nuzzling into the mattress.

“You could have kicked me out at any time, Buck.” You kicked his leg under the covers, making him laugh.

He pulled you close and you gave up every thought of sliding away from him upon feeling his body heat. “Nah, I think I like this arrangement better anyway.” He grinned, wrapping his arm around your torso. “Now, go to sleep, doll. It’s late.”

This wasn’t your first time sleeping with Bucky. More often than not, you, Steve, and Bucky would have sleepovers to unwind from your stressful week. Drinking led to dancing, dancing led to exhaustion. By the end of the night, the three of you would end up in bed with Steve and Bucky fighting over who’d get to cuddle with you.

As his breaths evened out, exhaustion seemed to finally catch up to you as well. You closed your eyes and relaxed in his arms until you drifted off.

Much to your surprise, it was the sun that woke you up the next morning. You groaned and rubbed your eyes, turning over and burying your face in Bucky’s neck. You heard him laugh softly and felt his fingers grazing up and down your back.

“Mornin’, beautiful.” His groggy voice rasped out. You remained silent, but he felt your smile against his skin. “You know, this was the first night in months that I didn’t wake up screaming.” Shifting to your back, you shivered under his gaze. Bucky smiled and gently stroked your cheek. “Something’s leading me to believe that you had something to do with it.”

You craved to reach out and touch him. Your body longed for him to put his hands elsewhere, and your mind was in agreement. Steve was gone and he wasn’t coming back. It was something that your heart had trouble coming to terms with. But that’s why Steve asked Bucky to take care of you. Steve knew Bucky loved you. Whether or not he knew that Bucky’s feelings would grow stronger than platonic, you didn’t know. And although you still ached for Steve, you had to move on. You would always love him, but you couldn’t punish yourself any longer.

You gently wrapped your fingers around Bucky’s wrist to keep his hand there and tilted into it, pressing your lips against his palm softly. He sighed and gently traced your bottom lip with his thumb. Slowly, your hands slid up his chest as you grazed your nose along his jaw line.

“Your heart is pounding.” You smiled as your hands continued venturing up around his neck.

Bucky leaned down and rested his forehead against yours, never tearing his eyes away from you. “Can you blame me? I got the sweetest, most beautiful woman laying in my bed. And I’m dying to kiss her.”

As you looked up into his eyes, you felt your own heart thud rapidly in your chest. A slight tilt was all it took for his lips to land on yours softly. Feeling his mouth mold to yours was breathtaking, and slowly but surely, you allowed him to deepen the kiss. Bucky hovered over you and kissed over your face sweetly, making you giggle.

He smiled down at you and grazed his nose over yours before looking into your eyes, thumbing your cheek softly. “I don’t want you to think that I’m expecting more than what you’re ready for, Y/N.”

“Who said I’m not ready for this?” You asked while playing with the chain around his neck. “We can’t go on grieving for the rest of our lives and tiptoeing around like Steve’s gonna walk through that door at any second. You’ve been so great to me through all of this, Bucky. I think if Steve had his pick of the litter of who I’d end up with, it would be you.”

Bucky smiled, relieved that you were open to the thought of being something more than friends. Pulling on his dog tags, you led his mouth back to yours and kissed him passionately.

Bucky’s warm hands made you shiver as they made contact with your skin, one resting on your hip while the other wrapped around the side of your neck to pull you closer, his thumb caressing your jawline.

The room grew warmer as the kiss deepened. Bucky took your bottom lip between his and ran his tongue along the soft flesh. He swallowed the moan that chased after his action and slid his tongue into your mouth as soon as you opened for him. You could feel his whole body buzzing and you were sure he could feel yours. The kiss did the trick to help ease your mind from any doubts you once had. Now all you could think about was Bucky and how incredible his hands felt on you.

It was a bold move, but you threw all caution into the wind and flipped him over, straddling him. Bucky sat up and held you close, your fingers immediately diving into his hair and pulling him even closer. He didn’t seem to mind your sudden boost in confidence. In fact, you could feel how much he didn’t mind through the thin material of your pajama shorts.

“I’ve wanted this for a while, Y/N. Wanted you.” He confessed as he kissed down your throat. His teeth nipped at your pulse, making your hips move involuntarily against his.

Bucky’s fingers grazing your back underneath your shirt was the only thing to anchor you as your head started to spin. He grinned and slowly rubbed up your sides at the feeling of your wetness soaking through what little fabric concealed you from each other. His thumbs stroked the underside of your breasts and followed the curve upward. Your thoughts were suddenly hazed as he circled around your nipples, careful not to touch the hardening bud. He quickly came to realize that he enjoyed teasing you. It pleased him to watch your reactions to each move he made.

You couldn’t fight it anymore. You wanted him. Fuck, you needed him. The past few months of telling yourself that you couldn’t have feelings for him were shot straight to Hell. Especially when you realized that he wasn’t just going to fuck you. He was going to make love to you.

The softness of his fingertips made you shudder beneath him as they trailed up your sides, pulling your shirt along with them until the material was thrown carelessly aside. His eyes remained set on yours until you nodded at him, letting him know that it was okay for him to look at your half naked figure. A groan emitted from the back of his throat at the sight of you, bare and ready for him. To even the field, he reached behind his neck and pulled the collar of his t-shirt over his head, leaving his hair a disheveled mess. You ran your hands up his smooth, tanned chest and simply felt the beauty of his skin. Bucky’s eyes fluttered as your fingers tangled into his dark locks, pulling him down so you could attach your mouth back to his.

“Buck—ahh—touch me. Please.” You asked through kisses.

His eyes achieved a new level of dark blue at your plea. Bucky obliged, cupping a breast in each hand and stroking his thumbs over your nipples. His scruff scratched against your neck as he sucked a bruise above your collarbone. You felt his smile against your skin when you arched your chest into his hands, mewling as his fingers rolled and tugged at your nipples.

“Can’t get enough of the little noises you make, Y/N.” He nearly choked on the words at the feeling of your hand groping his erection through his pants.

“Back atcha.” You mumbled against his lips, grinning as you felt him start to throb.

Bucky lied back and lifted his hips, allowing you to pull his pajama pants and boxers down his legs. He couldn’t help but smile when you whimpered, watching as he sprang free. Hovering over him, you slowly kissed up his body. When your lips connected with his, he flipped you over onto your back and stripped you of your shorts and panties.

Bucky’s eyes softened and he smiled down at you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and brushing his thumb along your cheek. “You don’t know how badly I want to make this last, Y/N. Just kiss and caress every inch of you all day long.” He admitted, drawing soft circles on your hip.

“Well, lucky for you, I don’t have any plans today.” You smirked, wrapping a leg around him and encouraging him to move his hips.

Bucky lined himself at your entrance, teasing your folds with his pulsating tip before slowly inching into you until he bottomed out. You wondered how you never fantasied about this. His length was impressive to say the least. And the way he moved his hips made your eyes roll back as the pleasure began to build in the pit of your stomach.

“You feel even better than I imagined, ngh—feel so good around me, doll.” He grunted into the crook of your neck.

You lifted your hips to meet his thrusts, allowing him access to to your sweet spot. He muffled your delighted whimpers with his mouth, lulling his tongue over yours gently to calm you.

“Roll over, Buck. Wanna be on top.” You grunted through shallow breaths.

Bucky did as told, wrapping his arms around your back and keeping the both of you connected while you straddled his waist. He gaped up at you from his new point of view. You ran a hand through your hair and smiled down at him, loving the way adored you from his angle. He held your hips as you rose and sank back against him. Your hands rested on his chest for leverage, making it easier to rock your hips and thrust yourself harder onto him.

“Not gonna last much longer,” Bucky warned.

“Come for me, James. M’right there with you.” You coaxed while quickening your pace.

His eyes shut tight and his jaw clenched, feeling you ride and spasm around his length. He reached up for you, pulling you down by the back of your neck and rested your forehead against his so that he could look into your eyes. He needed to feel the closeness for him to orgasm. Needed you to see how much you meant to him, how much this moment meant to him.

Then the dam broke. His hot seed spewed from his slit and filled you completely. It leaked down your thighs as you helped each other ride out your climaxes until you were able to still yourself and collapse onto Bucky’s chest. He held you close, kissing over your face softly and making you smile brightly.

Bucky grazed his nose against yours and kissed your forehead sweetly. “I know this is kinda backwards, but can I take you out on a date?”

You laughed softly and nodded. “You’re gonna have to use that Bucky Barnes charm if you wanna woo me.”

“Doll, when do I ever turn off the charm?” He chuckled, pulling you in for a quick kiss.

Before you could respond, a knock sounded from the front door. “I’ll get that.” You mumbled against his lips. Climbing off of Bucky, you grabbed his t-shirt from the floor and threw it on. You ran your hand through your hair in attempt to look somewhat presentable before you opened the door.

As you twisted the knob and pulled the door open, you nearly fell to your knees. The wind was knocked out of you and your mouth hung as a state of complete shock took over your body. The man standing before you smiled and spoke your name softly.

“Steve?”


End file.
